if i were queen of the world

alternate title: conversations with the kindergarten

sometimes they go like this:

her (while we’re watching the pas de deux at a performance of the nutcracker): “miss b! why are you crying?”

me: “um (sniffle), because it’s so beautiful.”

her: “but you’re more beautiful-er, and i don’t cry when i look at you!”

other times they go like this:

a different her: “miss b, you are so pretty with your hair like that. if you were just a teeny bit skinnier, you would look just like the little mermaid.”

me: *makes insulted face*

her: “no! it’s a compliment! i said ONLY A TEENY BIT skinnier!”

me: “please stop talking now.”

and then, there’s the boys.
oh, the boys.
take today, for instance:

boy 1: *runs up to me* “miss b! bob* kicked me!”

me: “on purpose, or on accident?”
(note: boy 1 had CLEARLY been kicked, as there was a muddy footprint on his leg)

boy 1: “ON PURPOSE!”

me: “ok, let’s go talk to bob.”

we start to walk over to bob. as soon as i spot him, i see that he has a large stick in his hand. for the record, the kids are not supposed to pick up large sticks. then i see him throw the large stick. this is not allowed, either. this is, in fact, the reason they are not supposed to pick up the sticks to begin with. it’s like, once they get a stick or a snowball in their hands, they lose the capacity to think and they simply cannot do anything but perform some sort of riotous act of stick/snow throwing. they’re kind of like the dogs from up that way.

yup, i’d say doug the dog is a pretty good representation of most kindergartners. and i mean that in the most affectionate way possible. i love those germy little monsters to pieces.
anyway, i digress.
the point is, i’m already on my way over to discipline bob for kicking, and before i even get there i see him throwing the stick.

me, now standing next to bob: “hey, bob?”

bob: *just looks at me with adorable smooshy face and i just want to pinch his cheeks, but dammit, i have a job to do here!*

me: “bob, did i just see you throw a stick?”

bob, quietly: “yes.”

me: “are we supposed to be throwing sticks?”

bob, quietly: “no.”

me: “so, why did you throw the stick.”

bob: “because i saw him (boy 1) coming back over here, and i didn’t want him to take it.”

me: “oh, i’m glad you mentioned boy 1, bob. did you kick boy 1?”

bob, loudly: “YES! BUT HE TRIED TO TAKE MY STICK!”

need i mention the endless lack of logic involved when i have to punish a child for kicking another child for taking a stick that neither of them should have been touching to begin with? if a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it or sees it, did the tree really fall? if you try to explain common sense to a five year old on a playground, does the child even hear you?
i know the answer to one of those questions.
GUESS WHICH ONE.
anyway, i digress. as usual.

me: “well, you shouldn’t have had the stick to begin with, but the most important thing here is that just because someone does something you don’t like, that doesn’t make it ok to kick them. you come get me if you need to, but you keep your hands and feet to yourself, ok?”

bob: “but he took my stick!”

me: “and you kicked him.”

him: “yes.”

me: “you kicked him on purpose.”

him: “no! it was an accident!”

me: *sighs*

*name has been changed to protect the non-quite-so-innocent.

Filed under: basic etiquette, life, the universe, and everything. on March 5th, 2010 | No Comments »

him: getting ready to play modern warfare 2.
me: getting ready to settle in next to him on the couch, to continue reading ‘eat, pray, love.’
me: *gathers blankets and pillows and whatnots, gets settled in.’
then,
me: “um is there a pencil? i need a pencil.”
***i like to underline stuff in books. i am annoying like that.***
him: “no, i don’t think there is one.”
me: *spying a pencil on the coffee table* “well. how about this one?”
him: “THAT ONE! that pencil is like fifteen years old.”
me: “it’s not like i’m going to write the Great American Novel with it. i just want to be able to undeline stuff.”
him: “you’re not allowed to blog this.”
me: “heehee”

Filed under: that batman guy on February 11th, 2010 | 1 Comment »

alternate title: sometimes the universe tells you what you need to hear, just when you need to hear it. well, in this case, the universe was about two months too late. but helpful, none-the-less.
***
from “eat, pray, love:”
“moreover, i have boundary issues with men. or maybe that’s not fair to say. to have issues with boundaries, one must HAVE boundaries in the first place, right? but i disappear into the person i love. i am the permeable membrane. if i love you, you can have everything. you can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time–everything. if i love you, i will carry all your pain, i will assume for you all your debts, i will protect you from your own insecurity, i will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and i will buy christmas presents for your entire family. i will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, i will give you a sun check and a rain check. i will give you all this and more, until i get so exhausted and depleted that the only way i can recover my strength is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

i do not relay these facts about myself with pride, but this is how it’s always been.”

***
for the record, SO NOT talking about that batman guy here. well, kind-of i am. but not about the current state of things.

Filed under: books, life, the universe, and everything. on January 25th, 2010 | No Comments »

i put my pajamas back on.
he says: “no!”
i oblige and climb into bed. we toss back and forth a few times, figuring out who is going to spoon who.
i end up with his arms around me, one of his hands reaching up, fingers intertwined with mine.
the “sleep” playlist is softly making its way out of the computer.
he falls asleep first. of course.
before i fall asleep, i hear the inevitable “bajibathashshshshbajibaitha.”
i heard it first ten years ago, and i still hear it almost every night that we spend together. it’s like sleep talking, but…it’s not words. trust me, i’ve laid awake many nights trying to figure out what all that noise was about.
me, on the other hand…i have nightmares.
bad ones.
i don’t talk in my sleep, but i cry.
weep, really.
and so i wake up, and his fingers are no longer intertwined with mine.
it takes me a moment to realize i’m awake, and where i am, and by that time i can tell that his hand is no longer holding mine because it’s rubbing my back. and his lips are softly kissing me all over my head.
and then we nuzzle back to sleep.

and i wonder: how did i ever begin to think that this wasn’t everything i ever wanted?

Filed under: in which i am an idiot, that batman guy on January 17th, 2010 | 2 Comments »

this is the description of the play in which TWO (!) things that i wrote will appear, from the very fingers of its very lovely and talented creator (lyndsay michalik):
***
Little Volcano Productions presents:

Shoulder to the Wheel
a new play
Compiled and directed by Lyndsay Michalik

Where can you find drive-ins, beatniks, vloggers, baseball, war, TV, immigrants, Thanksgiving dinner, adult industry workers, hipsters, road rage, film noir, jazz, rock-n-roll and a homicidal pizza delivery boy all in the same place? Right here, and for one weekend only… so you might want to hold on for the ride…

Shoulder to the Wheel, inspired by Charles Mee’s Under Construction, is a fierce journey through American art, music and culture from the 1950s to today. Original contributions from 14 local writers are interwoven in this new play that explores the ever-evolving meaning of “The American Experience.”

The cast includes Matthew Andersen, Jennifer Graham, Maxim Hunt, Analea Lessenberry, Andy Orsheln, Emily Tipton, Lorenzo Toia, and Jamie Weeder.

Show dates and times:
Thurs. Jan 28 at 8pm
Fri. Jan 29 at 8pm
Sat. Jan 30 at 2pm
Sat. Jan 30 at 8pm
Sun. Jan 31 at 2pm

Location:
Riverside Arts Center
76 North Huron St.
Ypsilanti, MI 48197

Tickets: $15 General Admission, $10 Students/Seniors (Cash Only)

For information or reservations call 734-834-1483
or email LittleVolcanoProductions@gmail.com

***
i know there are a lot of us out there that don’t have an extra $15 lying around these days, but should you have an extra $15, and should you live within reasonable driving distance, PLEASE come and watch what is sure to be an amazing performance. lyndsay is a genius. and, i mean, the words she had to work with weren’t so bad, either.

Filed under: blogging, dirty-hippie-liberal-dispatriot-type-girl, life, the universe, and everything. on January 10th, 2010 | No Comments »

~preface: internet, i cannot let the new year start without starting to get honest with everyone about what’s been going on with me. a lot of you know this story already, but even more of you don’t, and there’s no point to this whole blogging thing if i’m not being honest. i need to share this for myself, and for anyone out there who maybe needs to hear it, too. that thirty day ‘adventure’ i took back in august? well, a more specific name for it would be: REHAB. as in, inpatient rehab. it was quite an experience. there’s no way i can tell this whole story in one sitting, nor the story of everything that’s happened since, so we’ll start small. the following is the ‘good-bye letter’ that my therapist had me write to my ‘drug-of-choice’ while i was there. let’s begin this journey, shall we?~

***
(from august, 2009)
dear smirnoff, absolut, stoli, grey goose, ketel one, ciroc, belvedere–and, yes, in the later days–five o’clock, mohawk, and popov:

you, sirs, are a bunch of a-holes. oh sure, i remember the good times. some of them, anyway. dancing on bars in key west. dancing on bars everywhere, really. drunken family christmas eve parties that lasted til five a.m. (happy birthday, jesus!) working at the bar for twelve years with people who i thought were my best friends. vodka, we wrote fifty page papers together, often times in one sitting. and we always got an ‘A.’ we cried together, and sang together–and, the laughter! oh, how we laughed. about what? i can’t remember.

but, vodka? after a while you became clingy. you started coming with me everywhere i went. people started noticing and began to suggest that maybe i was in an abusive relationship with you, but i didn’t listen. i knew that we were meant to be together forever. and so i turned a deaf ear to my parents and friends for more than three years. as our relationship grew stronger, their voices grew louder, and eventually i took you upstairs to my office where we could be alone together. it was me and you against the world. we wouldn’t answer the phone very often, and we ignored my mother when she would ring the doorbell over and over again for thirty minutes, even though it was obvious that we were home because our car was in the driveway. sometimes john would burst into the room and say things like: “it’s either me, or the vodka.” of course, i didn’t believe him. i knew we needed to talk (john and i, not you and i), but i kept telling myself that i’d fix things tomorrow. kind of like how i kept telling myself i’d go find a new job tomorrow, i’d answer my mom and sister’s phone calls tomorrow, i’d write more tomorrow, i’d clean the bathroom tomorrow. but the tomorrows kept coming and i couldn’t tear myself away from you.

i was giving up everything for you but, vodka?
what have you done for me lately?

vodka, don’t answer that.
i have already prepared a list of some of the things you’ve done for me, and here it is:
1) you have made me spend A LOT of money. seriously, you have made me spend ALL my money. finding a quarter in the couch became a seriously exciting event for a while there. so, thanks for that.
2) you have made all my friends and family absolutely ill with worry. and worse, together we have made them right pissed off. we have lied to them. we have stolen from them. we have ignored them, and then expected them to help us pay our bills and buy us food and not be angry about it. this was all very stupid of us, but what can i say? all’s fair in love and drunkenness, and i was still very much in love with you, even though…
3)you made me vomit more than anyone on the face of the planet has ever vomited before. i wish there was a spot in the guiness book of world records for “person who can puke the most in twenty-four hours;” i would totally win.
4) you made me stop taking showers more than once a week. my hair was always a hot mess, and i’m sure i didn’t smell very nice. i was sure it didn’t matter, at the time. i mean, you don’t have eyes and you don’t have a nose, so i knew you would still ove me even if i was a little smelly, and i was sure that as long as we were together i would be ok. i thought as long as we were together, i could do anything. even though i was doing nothing. well, except for playing scrabble on facebook. we did win a lot of scrabble together.
(hi, harold! you gonna beat me one of these days?)
5) you kept me from properly grieving the death of my father and you did nothing to help me stop thinking it was all my fault that he died. it will have been five years in october, and i STILL think that. a real friend would not let me do that to myself.
6) you have kept me from using my bachelor’s degree, and kept me from finishing my master’s.
7) you tricked me into quitting my job.
8 ) you mad me think i needed you in order to do my writing, and you made me think i needed you in order to be fun.
9) you sent me to the hospital for multiple night stays four times since january. the doctors told me i had to break up with you because you were beating the crap out of my liver, but i stopped and picked you up on the way home from the hospital anyway. when we got home, you continued to beat me up. a lot of people would have shouted: “help! i’m a victim of domestic violence!” but, me? i just cried when you had damaged my body so badly that every time i tried to spend time with you, extremely violent things would happen. namely, violent puking and violent shaking. oh, and violently unrelenting anxiety. the worst was the day that i woke up dizzy and tense and hurty and shaking and already throwing up. i knew that i wouldn’t feel better unless i could spend time with you, but my body kept rejecting you. (my body is smarter than me, apparently) after eight hours of complete misery on the bathroom floor–with you next to me the entire time–you had me throwing up blood and i decided to go to the hospital.
i was there for five nights, and i only remember the first five hours. my heart ached for you so badly, i nearly had a heart attack, with my pulse at over 165 beats a minutes for more than eight hours. i couldn’t pick you up on the way home, because my mom wouldn’t let me drive my car. she didn’t want me to drive because she was afraid that a) i would pick you up on the way home, or b) i was permanently brain damaged by you and the three mg of ativan that the hospital gave me every four hours for two days, in order to keep me from having a heart attack or a seizure.
during that five day stay, my body got over you. i had no physical need to be with you, but emotionally i was not ready to let you go.

i did, in fact, pick you up as soon as i could.

what i didn’t know was that while i was sneaking around so that i could spend time with you, my mom was busy talking to a lady named denise from brighton hospital. my mom told me that if i went there fpr thirty days, i could escape our relationship. she and my uncle then pulled out the “you’ll end up just like your father” card, and i surrendered.

it wasn’t that i didn’t love you anymore, vodka.
it was just that i love my family, too. and i was beginning to understand that they love me far more than you ever have.

it wasn’t easy for me to leave you. it will probably never be easy for me to live without you. but today, i know that i made the right decision. since i’ve come to brighton, i haven’t lied to anyone. i haven’t stolen from anyone. i’ve even washed my hair almost every day.but, most importantly, i’ve realized that you never loved me. you, vodka, are a manipulative self-serving bastard. i fart in your general direction. you are, by far, the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and that is saying a lot.

i know now that i don’t need you to help me write, and know now that i’m WAY more fun and silly and happy when you’re not around. for the first time in months, i’m not wondering if the fuzziness in my head will ever go away. today, my head is clear and it’s full of ideas and love and hope. i can still see the road back to you, but now i can also see another road that will lead me away, and i’m going to take it.

i’m not going to pick you up on the way home from the hospital, this time. in fact, i’m never going to pick you up again. you may not believe me, and that’s ok. a lot of people don’t believe me. but as stevie nicks once said: “i have my own life, and i am stronger than you know.” and, it’s true. i AM stronger than you know. i bet stronger than even i know.

so, vodka? i guess you’re going to have to find someone else’s life to ruin. but, know this: if i ever come across such a person, i will do everything in my power to help that person see your true nature.

the jig is up, vodka.

you’ve always been clear, but now i see through you.

ungratefully,
tiffany

***

coming soon: tales of relapse, responsibility, reinvention, and recovery.
(oh, and really funny quotes from five year olds)

Filed under: ass hats, i'm scared of things. lots of things., in the bar, in which i am an idiot, key west, letters, life, the universe, and everything., that batman guy on December 31st, 2009 | 17 Comments »

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
probably about 23
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
they both suck for different reasons. but i’ve always been a big fan of the quote “it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all…” so i guess i’d have to say not trying is worse.
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
because we spend too much time trying to do the things we think will make other people happy.
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
undoubtedly
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
i would like there to be less ass-holes. seriously, if i can run with that generalization, i will. less ass-holes would solve a whole lot of problems.
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
taking care of small children, of course. oh, and facebooking.
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
both.
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
yeah, i’m going to need some kind of cash advance on a book deal before i touch that one. sorry!
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
i’ve controlled it completely, it’s just that a lot of times it might have been better if someone else had been in control.
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
the latter.
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
i stand up for my friend, hands down.
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
CRAWL BACK IN!!!
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
without a doubt.
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
again, without a doubt.
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
drink? read? eat? i’m pretty weird with all of those things.
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
because they’re clearly not as cool as me.
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
many, many things.
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
hmm…i think i would like to live in france.
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
sometimes i do, and sometimes it works.
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
a joyful simpleton. the worried genius hasn’t worked out all that great for me. not that i’m a genius, but, you know.
Why are you, you?
i don’t know, ask my mom and dad.
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
most of the time, but the times when i wasn’t were pretty epic fuck-ups.
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
they both suck.
What are you most grateful for?
friends who have seen the absolute worst of you and still believe you have the capacity to be awesome.
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
i would rather not have to choose.
Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
no. it’s possible to have faith in the truth without challenging it, but it’s NOT possible to KNOW the truth without challenging it.
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
yes.
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
around this time in 2004? yes, i remember, and yes, it still really matters now.
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
i’m a lucky girl, and i have too many to count. off the top of my head, i’ll say eating fried chicken wings and salad (which consisted of iceberg lettuce, chopped up american cheese, and ranch dressing) with my mom while we watched punky brewster and little house on the prairie on tv, in my parent’s bed, while my dad golfed. when we were done, we would push all of our crumbs to his side of the bed, as his punishment for being gone for the night. i know my mom wiped them away after she put me to bed, but at the time? it was pretty awesome.
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
all of august, 2009
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
yes, but it usually turns out that i was wrong. and thank god! i don’t want to have had my best conversation ever, just yet.
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
if i knew the answer to this, i promise you i would have saved the world already.
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
yes. it’s just hard to make the right choices sometimes.
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
no.
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
the latter.
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
YES. BECAUSE I HAVE.
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
what are you smoking?
If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
john, jillian, mom, dad, ryan, amber, matt/laura/kids.
Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
it depends…how attractive? how famous? how much money am i earning from all this attractiveness and famousness? i need details!
What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
a whole lot.
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
every time…but that doesn’t make it easy. at all.
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
because we’re afraid of people judging us in the process.
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
everything.
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
this morning.
What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
i love my family, and yes, i think my recent actions have openly displayed that love. i love john, and i hope my actions have begun to display that love. i also love cheese and bread and ice cream, and i have no doubt at all that my recent actions have made that clear.
In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
yes, i will. unfortunately, i have a very sharp memory.
Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
the answer is: both.

p.s. everyone? it’s your turn now? ANSWER THE QUESTIONS!

Filed under: life, the universe, and everything. on November 29th, 2009 | 1 Comment »

with a little LOL to share.

more soon, people!

Filed under: Uncategorized on September 26th, 2009 | 4 Comments »

dear internet:
i am going on an adventure in, oh, about 30 seconds. this adventure will be 30 days long. this adventure does not have a cell phone or internet access.
but, hey! know what it does have? this crazy antique paper stuff. and these sticks you can use to make markings on the paper.
like cave drawings!
any way, i will attempt to document my adventure through stick figure drawings and words, and will report to you immediately upon my return.
love, supertiff
p.s. sadly, i don’t have an adventure hat. but i did get some wicked adventure sunglasses.

Filed under: blogging, letters, life, the universe, and everything. on August 8th, 2009 | 5 Comments »

john and i have known that our relationship, at least in the form that we have known in for the past eight years, has ended for at least three months. so, don’t go looking for anymore cohabitation posts around these parts, because there is no longer any cohabitation going on.

it’s not that i was holding out on you, internet. it’s just that john and i still lived in the same house, in the same room, IN THE SAME bed fergodsake, until two days ago.

i cannot find the words to tell you how strange this situation is.
i guess we’ll start with first things first: why are we no longer together?
well, i don’t really have an answer for you on that one. our relationship just started to slowly change, as relationships are wont to do, and what had once been wonderful slowly morphed into good-enough, and we are both smart enough to know that there is no such thing as simply ‘good-enough.’

so, we went on doing what any other insane people would do: cooking and eating our dinners together and cuddling and not fighting and then one day we had to decide where we were going to live next year and our answer was “i don’t know where we’re going to live, but it’s not going to be together.’
and then we went downstairs and cooked and ate dinner together.
and we just never really talked about it.
and we still ate together.
and slept in the same bed.

the snuggling did suffer a bit.
remember the time that i told you about that thing he would do before he left for work in the morning? yeah, that stopped.

and i woke up every morning and pondered the in-bounding spring and summer and the rapidness with which they would LEAD TO THE DAY THAT IT ALL BECAME REAL. i assumed THE DAY THAT IT ALL WOULD BECOME REAL would be the day that we moved out, and i tried very hard to think positive thoughts about it because, internet? i was NOT going to be the only one crying. and i was pretty sure he wasn’t going to cry.

then, there was a shift.
snuggles made their way, unmentioned, back into the picture,
my good-bye kisses reappeared.
it was about two weeks ago when i thought to myself: self, i think it might be hitting him that this is actually going to happen.

the next day came the REALLY big shift. john got up for work, went downstairs to eat breakfast and play facebook, and normally this would be where he would kiss my forehead and say goodbye and leave. instead, he got back in bed, snuggled up to me, and started sobbing.

WELCOME, INTERNET, TO THE DAY THAT IT ALL BECAME REAL.

so there we were, two very sad souls in a very sad state of affairs, trying to take turns crying so that there would always be a person to say “it’ll be ok! “i love you, babe!” don’t worry!” that plan failed miserably, so basically if you had your ear to our wall that morning, it pretty much would have sounded like there were two snuffleupaguses in there, sobbing, patting each other loudly with their snouts while snotting quite a bit on each other, each of them occassionally finding enough available oxygen to moan a random “OK!” or “NO WORRY!” that went on for a while until we got bored of crying and then we just laid there like sad assholes for a while. i mean, if we’re so sad, and if we still love each other so much, then why would we subject ourselves to such trauma.

well, internet, because in spite of what you may have heard, “love” actually IS NOT “everything.” and if we’re wrong about that, then we’re still making the right choice.

it’s just a really hard choice.

after we’d laid like sad bastards in bed for a little longer, i hightailed it to my facebook. enough of this emotional bonding and healing! i have facebooking to do!
and what should i see on my status updates page? a lonely little status update from john, typed right around the time he should have left for work (he never did go that day) that said: “john didn’t realize it would be this hard.”

and i just felt so bad, you know? because i did know that it would be this hard, and i’d been trying to prepare myself for it, as much as one can prepare one’s self for this sort of thing, and here the whole thing was nailing him over the head all at once. and he is my best friend, i do not want that kind of pain for him. and there’s nothing i can do about it.

thursday night, john talked in his sleep a lot more than normal. i was sleeping with my head on his chest and my arm crossing over him when i woke up and wanted to move. i gently started to roll over and take my arm with me when john’s hand suddenly slammed my arm down to his chest and he shouted, in his sleep, “NO!”
so, i didn’t.
i never really fell back asleep, what with his persistent dream-chatter, but i didn’t move. we lay with our arms interlocked all night, his grasp never loosening on my forearm.

then the light came.
john put a bunch of boxes into his car and began moving them to his new apartment.

the dream is over.

Filed under: life, the universe, and everything., pictures, that batman guy on August 2nd, 2009 | 12 Comments »